I just peed or puked all or around my parjibgb lot.
parking. I am not drunk
i was like. eff you dude i'm 100% american. i went to a high school prom and i like springstein songs and i take rides in chevrolets.
He showed me a four inch blond hair that grows out of his side. He calls it his little ray of sunshine. Please come get me.
we were naked in his bed and he told me all about what a "baller" alexander the great was.
In the hospital waiting to be tested for the first uti of the school year....I'm BACK BTICHES.
I dont feel as bad coming home this baked because I gave my 14 year old sister a no drugs talk last night.
Using the only finger i can move, i calculated body mass, intake and time. It's mathematically impossible for me to still have this hangover at 9pm. I passed out at 8pm last night. Fuck vodka.
In the store looking for it now. They put the theatre/script section right next to the gay erotica section. Rude. Practical, but rude.
It's 11:13am and my chem prof is drinking a beer in class. I guess finals week is stressful for them too
If I had feelings, you would have hurt them.
Also you know what's irritating? When the guy you're sleeping with refuses to like any of your Instagram posts
You know it's been a rough week when you funnel beers by yourself.
He asked when the last time I had sex was. I had to look at the clock and respond "12 hours ago"
We were driving past a farm when he screamed at me to stop the car, then he jumped out and tried to ride a cow.
I don’t have the time, patience, or blood alcohol level to deal with her.
Randomize
