I want to make Jon&Kate babies with him. Not in quantity, but in percentage asian.
the guy in front of me just bought a pound of bacon, a bouquet, and a case of budlight, i want to see THAT makeup sex
chipotle is closed for thanksgiving... I am officially thankful for NOTHING.
Sooo sorry about that. And crying. And comparing my life to a duck
The dentist told me I have super glue on my teeth. I'm not blaming you I just want to know how that happened
well, the drug dealer I've been fucking the past 5 months gave me a chilis gift card for Christmas, so things are looking up.
stop calling me dude. finger blasting me officially kills you being able to call me dude.
It's a 'fuck poison control' kind of night.
I dunno what's worse, the fact that I hooked up with a guy that shaves his armpits or that I didn't notice until he brought it up the next day
Nice. The Governor's son bruised my vagina.
That's going to be the title of my memoir.
I woke up this morning with a half eaten bagel and an empty pack of imitation crab meat in my bed. This is going to be my response to pick up lines now.
Last night I was introduced as the Picasso of getting fucked up so I obviously had to live up to it by chugging long islands
Step 1: Buy a house Step 2: Turn bedroom into sex dungeon
I got fucked in a bat mobile this morning. Being slutty rules.
where are you?
two trains and a bus walk of shame. so not worth it.
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