There are traffic cones in the living room. One of them is yours.
You peed for a solid 5 minutes last night and turned around halfway through to give everyone watching a thumbs up
There is something depressing about eating toast in a dark living room by myself using a paper plate that says: "Let's Party!"
She got a digital picture frame for her birthday. FINALLY - a place for me to sneak all those penis shots I've taken with my iPhone.
Your "OraGel will numb anything" theory was the worst thing I ever believed in.
hung over. covered in somebodies makeup. and ready to drink.
She has a lazy eye!
My other option is a hardwood floor
You have all of her herpes and none of my sympathy
She did my hair, then ate me out. Switching teams was an awesome decision.
Like you know your sex life is in a downward spiral when your best friend offers to sext you from Ireland
Man, you got so high you own goaled yourself in FIFA then got up celebrating.
so dehydrated I couldn't fill the pee cup to the right line for my drug test for school. I was like sorry it was my birthday yesterday
You threw up with such class too! Tiara and all.
Seriously, I really just burned my nipple making ravioli.. I'd explain, but no reasoning makes this acceptable:/
Trouble in the neighborhood - turns out my brother's summer lawn care gig also entailed banging three different MILFs and they just all found out about each other
Gotta pay for college somehow...
Randomize
