guess who has a date tonight
look at you growing up, going on dates before she hops into bed
Dude I still wanna know who I had sex with on new years eve
i believe i can now do shots of gasoline with no chaser. its been that kind of summer.
Well when you're drinking tequila mixed with water out of a steve Austin cup I really don't think acquiring a straw is your main priority
HOW DID YOU END UP IN THE BATHROOM WITH A DANCER AFTER 12 MINUTES?
Hangover Status: I've been bedridden longer than that kid from The Secret Garden. It's not looking good.
Alls I remember is making out with that chick.
Nope that was a dude
That feels better than graduating college or that time I tried to ride a llama. Did you know they really spit?
Brett got me a cake with a pic of me shitting
"Fuck all you guys I'm going to be Cameltoe Spider-Man for Halloween."
Okay, new plan. Get drunk, eat breadsticks. It's going to be great.
LMAO I like how "don't worry I'll bring chasers" is your way of assuring things will be ok
I felt like I should've driven him home but I was holding in a fart and just needed him to leave
This is the second time this month a hookup cried when I left...bro get your shit together bar does NOT equal wife 😬
So nothing to worry about, but i'm probly going to jail soon, just thought i should let you know so you didn't worry. Bye!
Randomize
