Most awkward thing ever: Meeting your BattleShits opponent post war.
The men handing out bibles on the quad are blatantly skipping me... am i that obvious
woke up to an overdrawn credit card. did you order the dawsons creek boxset last night?
i hope so.
you were so drunk when the pizza guy got there you told him that you didn't have any money and would trade him the pizza for 3 Porno movies and he totally did it. I may never have to pay for pizza again
my mom noticed the "toothpaste" stain on my tshirt...she repeatedly attempted to get it off by licking her thumb and rubbing it. See Jenn it obviously doesnt taste that bad...
I'm in my winter jacket and nothing else. very drunk. bring bitches.
I was blowdrying my hair this morning and I swear to god it smelled like franzia
I just scrubbed chocolate off the bathtub... You better have had a damn good birthday
he's speaking broken english and calling me isaac.. this is not the australian i ordered for a one nighter
She told me she was eating frosting, then I got the weirdest boner ever
Sleeping in a car was not on my list of plans for the night.
i refuse to give everyone the satisfaction of seeing the results of my acting on my thoughts
One of your snapchats was of you with a 40oz of Mickeys and the caption: "Deep Throat back in her natural habitat"
Idk I saw a cheetah print onesie and it reminded me of your Lion King fantasy.
It's official. I have spent more money on weed than on textbooks this semester.
Randomize
