it went kinda like vodka, childhood memories, screaming/cursing, fist fight, tears, broken shit, passing out. in that order. tis the season.
Sex and the city 2 and twilight getting released in the same month. God hates mankind.
We just passed a billboard that said to join "jerseydoesntstink.com" and literally 15 seconds later, we could smell jersey.
I guess I tried to show you how big my closet was and we ended up eating pickles in my bathroom
We were talking about threesomes when she went to say who she would have as her third. She did not get to finish her sentence because her bf already said my name.My sheer presence destroys relationships.
Nothing says walk of shame like leather pants in daylight
i can feel the knowledge leaking out of my brain
replace it with alcohol - nature abhors a vacuum
Perfect. Let's do that. I'm thinking everclear and green dye as our base. We shud start from there
Looks better than the half a blow job I got the other night which I had to finish myself. From a chick I refer to simply as "mom jeans".
I hope Team Snapchat has been enjoying our sex snaps all this week.
nothing like having plan b for breakfast in a cvs parking lot before ordering this semester's textbooks
I'm pretty sure I just gave myself third degree burns from punching my pizza.
Man. Apparently I blacked out between the 4th margarita and my air mattress. Asleep in my jeans at 10pm. Mom outdrank me again.
Why was I so drunk last night that I licked the bar and then the bartenders face? Why didn't you stop me? We can never go back there.
We somehow ended up in Oklahoma. Nick's been crapping for two hours and I'm afraid to call a doctor because who the hell knows what sort of stuff goes down in the middle of nowhere. So not a great long weekend really.
Randomize
