Just a heads up. Everytime I get arrested in Maine I claim I lost my ID and use your name.
gross. I think i'll just donate all my eggs. My children will be incredible, but they're not welcome in my womb
Guy next to me is looking up how to press his own ecstasy pills. I'm going to befriend him and see where this goes
Question: would asking the hot guy from the grocery store to "beer me" his number be a poor decision?
Stolen hampster on my tits. Don't tell me I don't know how to party.
Either I'm paranoid or I swear my parents rigged my house so you can never sneak in or have the munchies without being loud.
Thank god I didn't get free from the hospital restraints. I wouldent have lasted long drunk, startled and in an ass-less gown In D.C.
She just took a mirror selfie at the hospital while in labor.
Dave called me blind fucking drunk thinking he was going to die from drinking with drake bell(wtf?) saying "it's all that drake motherfucker's fault" and later proceeded to tell me "you are my twitter"
I just pulled a seven inch black hair out of my ass. Pretty sure that means we're dating now
I almost had sex in a public restroom last night in case you're wondering how much of a mess 22 is for me
I wiped my ass with some girl's sock, I would honestly admit if I hate Caitlin's sandwich.
I had a sex dream about Fox Mulder, and the Royals just won the World Series. My life is complete.
You're like the Miss Manners of anonymous gay sex.
Well, he kept asking me if I was going to murder him once we got upstairs. It sort of killed the mood.
Randomize
