She was narrarating everything she did.. like while making toast.
He snuck into some random hotel's continental breakfast at 3 AM and then passed out on a bench in the lobby. When the cops found him they made him empty out his pockets. No phone, no ID just muffins.
So I came home baked last night and made about 60% of my jeans into jorts...
He's slept with 25.5 people. Wtf is a half?
I AM OVULATING LIKE A STEAM ENGINE.
I know she was blacked out, but she looked directly at the toilet and said "we meet again"
If I take diet pills with my edibles I'll be a perfect person
I need you to do me a favor and hide my sword from me tonight. I'm planning on drinking my weight in vodka and I don't trust myself enough to not run through campus screaming "I AM SPARTA!" You'll be saving me a mugshot as well as saving some innocent girls from tears.
But the Super Mario beer pong table is more than appropriate.
I may or may not have pissed on my floor last night
Welcome to 22
I guess "Ass Fun Friday" is not a thing no matter how many times I say it or bring it up in conversation...
I guess that's what I get for clicking on a link that says clown penis.
We've been staking out a taco bell for 2 hours trying to find last night's one night stand
Yeah like stabbing myself through the eye with a coffee stir and bleeding out all over the office rug
I hate when my Bumble matches make it hard for me to stalk them.
Randomize
