i kinda do this "flirt with girls and pretend to be a hot white guy named chris" thing
the smoke from my cigarette strangely resembles what patrick swayzes ghost will look like.
They should make Jack Daniels chap stick
I'm sorry. I really don't see what's wrong with pregaming before a wine tasting.This champagne won't drink itself.
The wine tasting is just for charity anyways...
I think I'm drunk. That wine was old. I found it behind the water heater next to the mouse poison.
I can't feel my brain.
I expect to be treated like a lady. Even If your sticking it in my ass.
I found her in the trunk, smoking a cigarette, saying every girl should know how to get out of their trunk
you called me at 4 in the morning and invited me over for pasta and a late night viewing of titanic.
just puked a little into my hand/sleeve. way too hungover for the first day of class
Thing I actually said tonight: "I want to achieve Ultimate level drunkenness, I'm only at Champion"
I tried to break it off with the married one. He offered to pay off my car.
The side bitch struggle is real.
I'm gonna have to get a lube sherpa.
Did I wash my face last night at your house? Where did my eyebrows go??
Thanks for the reference. If your boss hires me, I'll buy you a drink.
If my boss hires you, I'm going to need it.
I bought two pregnancy tests and a cosmopolitan magazine at 4am... I told the cashier "dont judge me, ur not God"
Randomize
