they say Disney World is the happiest place on Earth. It's a close second to the Super 8 on route 18. That place holds some great memories.
Oh god. There is a bite mark in the bar of soap. Please tell me I was not that wasted.
i did the responsible thing and pissed myself...
this morning i checked my reflection in the toilet as i was throwing up to make sure i still had my pearl earrings on
Does the whole "it was New Years" excuse apply this year?
You disinfected one of his friends, buttered the jeans of the other one. And you poured every liquid you could reach on the floor, including cooking oil and green tea. It wasnt a great first impression
who has not yet felt my sugrcially enhanced boobs. HurryI am at the bnar and it is 1:15 am
I think that's the first time I've heard someone say "this is the safest way of doing things" while holding half a gallon of jagermeister
She was literally passed out in a cubicle with a flask in her hand. I LOVE finals week!
It felt like he was juggling my kidneys with the head of his penis... If you could even call it that, it was more like a lochness monster. Huge and mythical.
He's got the good dick trifecta - flip phone, works outside, bed with no headboard.
MUFFINS DON'T MAKE YOU ORGASM MULTIPLE TIMES OR HAVE ROCK HARD MUSCLES.
I TAUGHT HER CAT TO SIT. CATS DON'T FUCKING SIT ON COMMAND. BUT THIS ONE DID!
It's basically my crowning achievement.
Im bringing my light up rubber ducky just in case we end up at a rave tonight. HE CHANGES COLOR!
Been smoking since 4. The inevitable finally happened: I bought a cheesecake.
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