there's paper in my vomit.
are you serious?? is your clit as sensitive as your emotions
i wish
I think I just made patron unclassy I bought limes at a gas station and for salt we are using gas station packets of salt
recycled a plan b box. kill a baby. save a tree.
Passed out in a rocking chair on her porch. Woke up to the tow truck taking away my car.
Underwear, t-shirt, bottle of Pinot Grigio and Golden Girls. I've hit a new level of homosexual.
Except if I'm having sex. In which case you're in the bed with us or out of the room. No halfsie participation.
Did you catch one of my beer pong balls in your cleavage or was that a dream?
He called me saying he got nice rims for his car so now we can fuck in style
I just asked him what would happen if my boobs fought crime. I think I'm cut off.
sorry for the random call. He stopped mid-sex because he wanted confirmation that I was really a reverend.
Know we haven't talked but having an orgy party on the 20th if you're interested. If not, disregard this text.
Who is this?
My roommate randomally bought me two bags of pretzels. Worst "Sorry you can hear me fucking my boyfriend everynight" gift ever.
She was doing drunken zumba and screaming "FUCK YOU I HAVE MY OWN STYLE!" at the TV
I cam home to find him twitching on the floor, surrounded by unopened condoms and covered in cranberry sauce (yes I tasted it) while Thundercats was playing.
Randomize