There was a fist fight in my basement last night at four in the morning, in case you were wondering
Do you think you have hit the lowest point in your life when you find yourself actually condisering watching the movie "Gigli"?
I need hand sanitizer and jesus.
I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
dude if Megan calls say you Sis was house sitting for me yesterday , she f'n found dana's panties
she had a pic of herself in a bikini as the wallpaper on her iPhone... I'm sensing a Tyra banks kinda girl. shit.
I am drinking at a movie theater seeing a children's movie, 2nd time this week
Dude. The girls called me over to see what they had in their dorm. They snuck in a pigeon in a cardboard box. They named it Quincey. They swear they're sober.
Life just isn't the same without him waking me up at 4 in the afternoon with a look of pity on his face...
Its not even real halloween yet. This extremely toxic yet briliant costume is going to kill me
Ask me if I'm sitting naked in a lawn chair eating a block of cheese waiting for a bacon grilled cheese sandwich
I want to eat a stick of butter
Did your pain meds kick in?
It tastes nice
If you can give me an orgasm, you'll get a trophy.
Can't meet up at the party. Gary was caught by the cops attempting to drop a deuce thru his ex wife's Subaru via sun roof. Details as soon as bail is processed.
A total of 3 guys left my apartment this morning. That was my first clue to my black out endeavors last night. Gotta love wine Wednesdays.
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