All I want to do is go home, strip down to my pants, get in the shower and pee down my leg
i broke up with my boyfriend last night because i had to eat a freezy pop in every color and he ate the last blue one. i sat on the floor and cried for an hour at least. everyone left. so i decided that this whole weed thing isnt really healthy for my relationships.
This concert is like a reunion of all my bad sex.
I just caught Brandon licking the fake chocolate on a smores ornament
You spilled spaghetti on the floor, and kept telling the noodles to "settle down" as you tried to clean it up
I started to trust fall random people on the dance floor
she got to the point every few minutes she checked to see if her boobs were still there.
She tried to sleep on the front steps of her salon so she wouldn't be late for work and these people put her in a cab to my house. She is nothing if not responsible. Can u imagine her boss finding her there this morning?
Employee of the year! :)
I seriously just caught my Pina colada from falling of a table perfectly facing up. I will now reward myself by finishing this one and then getting my 8th
You stole my crutches last night at the bar, the DJ had to ask for them to be returned
You are the only person I have ever seen offer your other drink to the bouncer on two fors night
Bouncers are people too...giant angry people
Please come over, I'm slowly melting into a ball of sexual frustration. If I'm not dead by the end of the day be very surprised.
I think the worst was the guy who sent me YouTube videos about how age doesn't matter, and then a link for natural breast enhancements. Kill me.
You had me at "let me see your balls"
after we got done having sex, you rolled over and ask what your yelp review was. So yea I'm kinda mad.
Randomize
