Dude this girl just said she'd take me to pleasure town while giving me head
Will Ferrell is probably jerking himself off somewhere wishing he was you
she had condoms in her med. cabinet - magnums -I don't think I'm tall enough for this ride
Just saw some guy walking down the street rapping about various types of pasta.
He threw a goldfish cracker into my toilet and then proceeded to laugh for 32 minutes. I timed it.
I just want to jump into a ballpool of dicks now.
Is it possible to just pretend that everything we did after grilling up your goldfish didn't happen?
I'll even be awesome and bring pizza for your family, just as a "hey thanks for letting a stranger get trashed at your house" gesture.
I was like a migrating bird last night. Navigating on pure instinct. Don't remember how... but I made it home.
DOGS JUST TOTALLY ATE THE FEATHERS OFF MY NIPPLE CLAMPS!!!
Yeah, I only wore tennis shoes under the gown. Way cooler than khakis and a shirt, but much more awkward when my parents wanted to go to dinner immediately after the ceremony and my grandmother started to unzip the gown. Stopped her before it was too late, but barely. My dad just rolled his eyes.
I always felt my time would come in the form of a tidal wave of whisky
At one point of the night i was standing at the bar and 3 of them had their hands down my pants, they were like thumb wrestling for it.
Sitting in a music store. There is a 40 something year old guy in a track suit, with a boner, and playing the ukelelie quite intensely.
thanks for thinking of me.
Yeah. We're taking this fuck buddy relationship to the next level. Sober weekday sex.
You showed up at 4 am holding a beer and wearing a wig you apparently found in the dumpster.
That explains some things...
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