yo i stole a wine glass from the ritz but i spilled wine on my hundo dolla shirt
i should go to a nude beach and wear just a condom, then ill have tan lines on my dick
Hey i just realized that im masturbating in the exact same kind of chair that they are doing it on in this porno
Five Mah tais Laser and i skill have not drunk dial you
And we started making out. She asked me to pick a number between 1 and 10. I said 6. She took me to her room. A few minutes later I wasnt a virgin. DUDE I WAS GOING TO SAY 2.
It's gotten to the point that the dirty talk in my head when I touch myself has your accent
I CAN CONTROL MY GERBIL WITH MY BREATH. HE FOLLOWS THE SMELL. PROBABLY WOULDNT BE AS EXCITING IF I WASNT HIGH OFF MY ASS, BUT STILL
How many tongue depressors should I need to steal from urgent care to make samurai armor?
My parents don't seem to understand that all I want to do over break is smoke in bed and watch Workaholics.
Just visited the liquor store.... for the 4th time today. shits gonna get weird
you said, 'he held out his hand, that means we don't have to pay' about the taxi driver, and then asked the doorman what happened to your pants...
Company meeting and there he was. Felt a little weird like 'last night you were telling me how your dick loves me, and now we're listening to a report on sales figures'.
this periodpocalypse needs to be over. I need head
Maybe you should slow down tonight...
KINGS DON'T NEED ADVICE FROM LITTLE HORN-BILLS FOR A START
she compared me favorably to her vibrator
which one?
Randomize
