don't wear any deodorant. we have to do everything we can to sabotage this wedding
wtf
I'm guessing you saw the bathroom?
I am in the checkout line at the dollar store and there is a guy in front of me holding a pregnancy test, a chocolate bar, and fake roses. Champion.
You say "I'm in class" like it matters... I'm getting a little tired of having to smoke by myself at 4:20 because you're in class.
They glued all of the ceiling tiles shut.
oh my god. you caused complete remodeling to a college campus that you don't even go to
They left me stranded on the side of the road with a table and five gallons of water. They said it was all I really needed to survive. People are staring
I invented the best game. It's called "what touched my exposed nutsack?" It can range from pillows to toothbrushes
This dude has my number from April last year. Drunk me left sober me a puzzle. No confirmation of pants off business
When you were bringing him upstairs I told him to bring you on down to pound town. you're welcome.
Did u know it's unconstitutional to turn down a shot during 4th of July celebrations.. Rest now dear liver
Pedi-lyte stocked
Also, I found your gauge.
I found it under my pillow like a gift from the Sex Fairy.
all I know is this drummer better stop eye fucking me while he plays cowbell. it is way too early for that.
Figured out how to triple bathroom speed at #lollapalooza.. Girl squats, guy 1 goes between her, guy 2 uses urinal. Your welcome.
I love you, and I just washed my hair in my work sink with handsoap.
Donated a pint of blood at 6 and pub crawl started at 7. Thank your lucky stars I'm still alive today.
Randomize
