i just had 3 doubles lined up on top of a urinal, texting with one hand and my dick in the other. I an fucking awesome.
i just threw up in a potted plant at home depot
The only thing worse than listening to you two fuck all night was waking up and smelling bacon and there not being any left.
Its Friday night, and I'm sitting at home watching are you smarter then a 5th grader, drinking vodka. I got every single question wrong. Clearly you see where I'm headed in life.
Last night he tried to put me in their garbage can and then sprayed me with a fire extinguisher in their kitchen...that house is always interesting
So far we've hooked up on a pool table, on a public bathroom counter and now in a little league baseball dugout. We haven't even made to a house yet.
I've hit an all time low of asking baristas what would go good with marshmallow vodka. I think I might hire one to party with all of us. To make hangover drinks
Just retrieve me from the bathroom floor when you're done
At the bar, some guy bumped into you and you screamed "hey, don't touch what you can't afford sunshine!"
I felt kinda awkward walking into his house in nothing but lingerie and my dead grandmas overcoat
I WOULD NEVER LIE ABOUT SOMETHING AS SERIOUS AS SABADO GIGANTE BEING CANCELED
It's very rude to dive mouth-first into someone's crotch without knowing if their wife is cool with it.
So the door man at the local dispensary started giving me motivational talks about my beard...
would it be awkward if i bring my husband?
only if i fuck you in the bathroom while he's paying the check
its as if im in a choose your own adventure book. except im not the reader and someone else is choosing my fate...one awesome decision at a time.
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