I just woke up to my FedEx of contacts I've been waiting for for about a week and my hungover ass went to the bathroom and used beer instead of contact solution.
yeah, he just sent me a picture of himself with his shirt off.... It didnt turn me on, it just made me want to buy him a big mac....
ARE YOU GOING TO SACRIFICE YOUR LIFE FOR MCDONALDS HASHRBOWNS
are you still mad that doritos made their way into my sex life
.....a litte
I feel as though sleeping all day due to the effects of prescription painkillers paid for by union insurance made this the most American day ever for me
Also his beard was very delicious looking. I wanted to touch it so bad, but I held back.
Do you ever actually plan things? Or is it always drugs then whatever happens? I'm considering being worried about you
Smoked a joint with my old camp counselor and now we're going to a strip club. There is a god.
They tried to dine n dash at dennys and the waiter jumped on their car and broke their windshield
I hope to God it's not the new neighbors having sex, because what I'm hearing sounds like a mildly defective vuvuzela or a cow giving birth.
He's gonna be so upset when he get's a real job and can't do serious drugs.
I'll do my best. he just keeps yelling beer and doing dick helicopters
He passed out before we could have sex. I had no choice but to use his boner to hold my onion rings.
His beard looks like it smells like beer, cocaine and old pussy juice
I think he is using me to sort through his relationship issues, past and present. I did not sign up for this. All I want is booty. Am I the dude in this relationship?
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