i cant decide if i should go fuck j*** or keep watching real genius
Im broke. I spend all my money on weed cigarettes alcohol and food. In that order. I cant even cut one of those because you know it'd be food. I already stopped getting my nails done just so i could support my bad habits.
I've seriously contemplated telling him the baby isn't his just so I can meet Maury Povich
I'm sorry for what I said earlier...your vagina wouldn't look funny If you had a kid.
Being at this bar with grandma is a real cockblocker
We just filmed our own version of iron chef. The secret ingreient was whisky.
What did you cook with whisky?
We started a fire.
Why do i feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear?
That number that I thought was that dude's number...was actually my district manager's number. Fuckkkk.
Btw, if I didn't have 3 limbs in restraints and my free hand offing myself with the pocket rocket, I would have snap chatted you. Next time.
My good Christian morals say no, but my complete disregard of anything related to religion says yes
He wants me to fart in his mouth and is offering me SOOOO much coke. I'm stuck between a rock and a hard place. GIVE ME ADVICE.
90% sure I just opened a snapchat of you in a fuzzy bathrobe next to your ceiling collapsing
Ok maybe second best. He dated a stripper. Can't compete with that level of hoeness
we used a blowdryer last night to warm up our left over pizza..it worked perfectly at first..but then the chili powder got into his eyes..
Do u believe in the possibility of big foot?
You high??
Randomize
