i felt like we were having sex on ultimate fighter, and people on the outside kept yelling ELBOW ELBOW! KNEES KNEES!
who do I fuck, the girl waiting for me upstairs or her roomate making me mac and cheese right now?? This is the single hardest decision I've always wanted to have to make
So after the reception we snuck back into the church for drunken hook up. we passed out there and woke up in time for 6am mass still dressed from the wedding. spiritually trashy or classy?
Don't blame me for eating all the ham.. I gave it out to people, so at most I'm guilty of ham distribution
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My absolute favorite part of last night was after I puked in the ally, we rounded the corner and you screamed, "she's ok!" and everyone cheered
I need to cry about outer space to someone. Can I call you?
He said the last thing he remembered thinking was: 'Why is this vagina spinning?' Too drunk sex is no ones friend.
He was rocking just a diaper, shoes, and a gun. Sadly, I would still hit it.
I had so much drainage I couldn't moan properly. Fuck allergy season
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I know that we've never been that tight but I want you to meet my cat before I move.
We had sex in the morning in pregnant lady position. Like fuck me like the hott piece of ass that I am, not your wife of 7 years.
did you just send me my own nude
he said "I would have fucked you in the chipotle bathroom" and I can't get over how awesome that would've been
Started out playing table tennis then ended up fucking him on the table. Happy cinco de mayo
I thought we agreed to no sexting at the school bake sale...
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