We just all danced like dinosaurs in the center of the dance floor.
he told me I talked like a deaf person
i hope when i become a housewife i'm more of a gretchen and less of a vicky
He asked for a foot job. Whatever. I guess I'm swimming in new slut waters tonight.
I have a surprise for you guys
What is it?
A MOTHER FUCKING SURPRISE DON'T ASK QUESTIONS
That idiot. I'll see him on campus and he'll try and touch me like we're friends or some shit. 1.you're ugly 2. You dropped the blunt in the pool
He walked away from the girl that just blew him to hook up with another girl, and when she got pissed he just turned around and screamed, "SHE IS LIKE 10X HOTTER THAN YOU!" Then she went on an angry dick sucking rampage. There were 4 victims.
Got into Princeton. So excited about the mommy-issue-over-achieving-cock I get to ride the next 4 years!!!
The last thing I remember is crying and shaking my head as she was putting salt on my hand. I guess I took the shot
you take my contact solution?
drank it last night then filled it with brandy for the plane ride.
Ok well my life just seems more exciting by default because I'm dating my married boss and sexting with my ex
I realized just how much my daughter is MINE when I heard her tell someone "Go shit yourself" yesterday.
Fun fact: You might be drunk if your vision is so blurry that you almost ask "do you know where my glasses are?" while you're wearing them.
You took your pants and underwear off as soon as we got to Melissa's and just walked around the entire time like it was completely normal. We even ate pizza together with your vagina exposed. You're my hero.
I just found out through a drunken phone call that my parents thought I'd grow up to be a porn star. It's kind of scary how accurate they were at how skilled I'd be at sex.
Randomize
