We were both sleeping and she woke up and just puked i feel so bad for everyone around us
They keep asking what you are doing. I told them to quit calling her "what."
38 yer olds are good kisserssss
So then I told him that only a restaurant managed by a florida fan could run out of ketchup
She's allergic to latex.
Lucky bastard.
Thats not what we're looking for. I want this kid to suck a lolly pop out of a stripper's snatch.
He puked in the voicemail. That's a true friend right there.
I've got a permanent seat at the "Girls who eat their feelings" table this weekend.
We weren't even through customs yet, and we got offered weed. You would love Jamaica.
When one of my seniors asked "Rough night?" I realized my poor decisions involving Tuesday night drinking did not go unnoticed.
You should know two things about me,,,1) I am highly sexual and 2) I am HIGHLY competitive so you telling me about how much sex you had with the other girl makes me say "challenge accepted"... you should hydrate.
I shaved my entire vagina for a man who had the personality of a potato and a C- orgasm. Life is a series of disappointments.
So how was it?
The cemetery or the sex?
outside on the street drinkin, walked into a random house and asked to pee, some kid hands me a beer and says i have to chug it first
I just called my kid butt plug. Does that make me a bad mommy??
This may be the most diplomatic thing you've ever said
Randomize
