Ninja stars and alcohol are a bad combo
walked into a party last night, i saw 3 ex gfs standing in a circle talking to each other...that's the quickest u-turn i've ever made in my life.
Conclusion from last night: Sometimes being classy isn't as fun as making out with a guy on a pooltable in a bar. Happy birthday, Canada.
why is jon gosselin on the news 24/7 for dating some new lady?? how bout I get on msnbc for not getting laid since forever ago
I didn't mind getting the stomach flu from him. we had great sex AND I'm seven pounds lighter
Contrary to what peaches says, you can't fuck the pain away. Full story later. Have a good morning, buddy.
There's so much relief when you realize you wake up in your own bed
He only dropped the Russian accent after we started having sex.
Just thought you should know that your brother tried to febreeze his floors with cooking spray last night.
Doing tequila shots with my ex to celebrate that we broke up... not awkward at all.
sriracha body shots, that's gonna be a thing
it's like you just said "i want you to suffer"
Why is there a muffler in the livingroom?
First, I just want to say that I had nothing to do with it. Second, how good is your car insurance?
I basically have sex lined up for me in three different countries. If that's not a feat I don't know what is
I wore my Gollum shirt. It struck up a conversation AND got him staring at my boobs. That's a win-win.
Apparently I was telling them, "I AM A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN AND I DON'T NEED YOU TO HOLD MY HAIR," and I pulled my hair back and puked.
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