today i learned why jack sparrow loved rum so fucking much
We gave a starfish gin and Lucky Charms. I think it enjoyed it. Best trip to the beach ever.
Your sister reminds me of me at her age. Stop her while you can.
We met at my place after separate parties but the condom wrapper was red with hearts and said love. Does that count as a romantic date?
She deep throated me and when I woke up she made me pizza. I was full of emotions I started to cry.
Also I hooked up with a trainer at my gym. Between her, the married chick, and the bartender, my life is becoming a bad porn plot.
Just for future questioning, I didnt break up with you over text
You gotta pick a side. My suggestion: side with tits.
Drinking Patron always ends with me puking or receiving anal. So make your move when I start ordering it.
I haven't filled him in on Operation "find a sugar daddy & suck dick for money" yet, but I'm sure he just wants me to be happy.
Masturbating during the Olympics and cumming during the national anthem really is everything it's cracked up to be. Just thought you should know.
I woke up with gum stuck to my nipple piercings this morning.. So there's that.
How can you tell that you're blacked out ?
You can feel it in your nipples.
Um..... I have taste. The only thing I am going to bedazzle is my vagina.
I found my parents stash of sex toys. You know my green one? My mom has it...in purple. I HAVE THE SAME VIBRATOR AS MY MOTHER
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