worst experience of my life. her nipples were sick. kinda like a venn diagram
my cat ate my toast this morning while i was getting dressed. i can already tell today is going to suck.
And then I interrupted the father of the groom, to ask if she was "ballet or pole" in the middle of his story about his niece, the dancer.
tell that swedish kid i didnt take his shotgun. he GAVE it to me.
Just caused a nice traffic jam while trying to park at Costco. Too high to drive.
The dingo escaped by eating a hole through my screen door. It's loose in the city somewhere.
When I come over I'm bringing "Socky" the Alcoholism Prevention puppet, today he is going to tell you boys about his FAVORITE word---its called "moderation"
Trying to grind with crutches was not a success
I don't know if trying Molly for the first time before my flight was an awesome or aweful idea
He stood me up.
I'm no sure if I should be pissed or proud that he finally grew a backbone.
Right now, there's some ten year old kid getting ready to go outside and play basketball. He will soon find out his basketball hoop was no match for my car.
Swish.
You are the funniest drunk Jew I know. Never in my life have I witnessed someone respond, "Is your dick kosher?" while being picked-up on.
We were having sex but then he spanked me and i punched him but it was just a reflex i swear
You went into my bathroom put on my bathrobe.. Said excuse me then went in my front yard and started yelling who ate my whopper..
Is this making any sense, because I’m puking and trying to be Philosophical right now
Randomize
