There is a stranger person in my roommates bed...
Take 3 tylenol pms and try to whack off before you pass out. It's impossible.
Flying into Chicago for a few days, getting re-deployed in September, we should probably fuck
Kristina got the same text from you just now, she's sitting next to me, how many people did you send this to?
i've come to the conclusion that there is no classy way to apply chloroseptic spray to your butthole.
Ya, found out why there were rat traps in my bed. Guess I pissed in Sams room so he went to the store and got them and put them on my bed and put tabasco in his humidifier and put it in my room
Well, I'm getting my ex-boyfriend to get me a z pack to cure the chlamydia I got from my married fuck buddy so that I can fuck one of my students.
I woke up with a piece of pizza duct taped too my hand and a paragraph written on my chest. Good night is say
we are blowing up condoms and making balloons and we’re drunk on the floor. You could have come to school here
I just had the stunning realization that I lost my virginity in a bunk bed.
I thought adderall would sober me up, but it did NOT.
I'm so drunk and angry about the Michigan game the fact of my relationship being over doesn't matter
I knew I wanted to marry her when we got in that bar fight and she full-nelsoned a guy while I worked his kidneys. I knew then we had to breed
Will u lay on an air mattress with me and drink vodka while we listen to Rick James?
Alcohol and I aren't friends right now.
How was I supposed to know the accent was fake before i slept with him
Randomize
