I chose taco bell over sex...
good choice.
I feel like if your cat could talk she would call me a cunt.
dude I just realized something - girls return my clothes washed so in thought bringing girls home is like avoiding going to the laundramat
I love that we get drink and call each other crying. It's kind of our thing.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It snowed today. The whore-inducing weather is official over.
Dear drunk me, don't shave my balls til you're sober. My junk looks like a pomeranian with mange.
you literally pushed me forward in the seat so you could puke behind my back without the cabbie noticing..
i proceeded to stick my hands in his pants while he continued to repeat i have a girlfriend
Guess the answer to the last 2 texts right and you'll get a boob shot tonight. Guess wrong and it will be a picture of a used, boogery kleenex.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You came on the chandelier from the first floor.. Of course were allowed back
The guy who's car I hit last night just followed me on Twitter...not sure how to feel about it.
holy fucking shit get me out of here. even the babies are wearing beanies
I'm actually kinda upset that we didn't consider velcro-ing detachable capes to our clothes before this moment.
handcuff keys just fell out of my bra....wtf happened last night?
I have more important things to worry about than you drowning your cheerios in tequila.
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