Pregnant stripper...not hot.
Flowers- 20. Dinner-50. Drinks- 25. Hotel- 150. The look on his face when I tell him I'm on my period? Priceless.
I woke with a ring of glitter around my dick.... I kinda don't want to wash it off
you knoww youre high when you are just as concerned as the contestants on ultimate cake off as they move their 250 lbs cake over the ramp
So I fucked that hot french guy last night
You do know he's the one who threw up on our table, right? You get to clean it up.
Were driving two hours to st louis so we can pee on the arch. See you in the morning. I might be sober by then.
Are you dead or are you taking another 13 hour nap? you need to let me know these things ahead of time so i dont worry.
they arrested me when i was peaking, i'm pretty sure they were specifically looking for me but i was too busy rolling around, loving the grass to notice the police car..
My pupils are so HUGE you can see into my soul from 2 miles away
I still have way too many Frat houses to get blackout drunk at before I'm get in any type of relationship
We just stood there eating chocolate chip pancakes, watching you sleep on the bathroom floor.
i don't know man... i just want to listen to John Lennon every time i finish fucking her. is this love?
I think I just got booty called by someone I've never slept with or even really had a conversation with before.
I can’t shake the image of her gigantic black unibrow. It’s like I got a blowie from Eugene Levy
I'm so gassy and it's your fault.
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