Nothing gets me like the O.C. theme song does.
This went bad. Everyone is crying, i dont know why and I am really uncomfortable.
i now officially have to be stoned in order to look like my passport when i go to a different country
After the baby comes, I'll make us White Russians with my breast milk. That will teach her about sharing.
I need to stop going to bars and yelling "I could be teaching your kids one day, bitches!"
Your loyalty to the Redskins reminds me how no matter how much I disappoint you, you will still always be rooting for me.
Masturbating during the Olympics and cumming during the national anthem really is everything it's cracked up to be. Just thought you should know.
You've never really lived until you tell someone you have an STD over snap chat.
I'M CUDDLING WITH MY CAT AND THAT GUY SENT ME A DICK PIC. UNANNOUNCED DICK PICS ARE TERRIFYING AND MY CAT WILL NEVER BE THE SAME
he took my bra off with his teeth, THEN decided he just wanted to make out and cuddle. i don't know what the female version of blue balls is, but i've been living with it since 1 a.m.
I'm going to be such a slut in Europe I've already decided
Send me dick pics. We'll make a scrap book
Just escaped from the ER. Meet me at the bar in 20 minutes.
She said to call her, so I called her. Her boyfriend answered and traced the fucking call. I could litterally hear him yell because it turns out he lives in 4d
Don't you live in 4c?
I woke up handcuffed to a bed wearing nothing but an army belt. Does this count as thanking our country?
Did you guys just have three hour sex? You both stopped and restarted texting me at the same time
If I were to say yes, would we still be friends?
Randomize
