Just kissed her with a dip in my mouth... She was either too drunk to notice or too cool to care
Come on, video tape it. Take one for the team
I just saw a guy in front of the courthouse giving himself a sobriety test and fail it...this can't end well
I smuggled my gin and tonic out of the bar by shoving the glass in my pocket...mistakes were inevitable.
She greeted me with a new giants jersey and an opening day blowjob. this is true love.
i sent you a picture of beads you send me a picture of boobs how hard is this to understand
Security has videotape of her blowing the boss against his car. Don't they know he entire parking lot is under video surveillance?
What do you expect from her? Do you remember that creepy man she dated who saturated a pillowcase in his musky cologne and mailed it to her and she still slept with him.
at any given day I am at least 60% invested in my work. today I am staggered around 3.5%
Also, for real, though? Did we even have sex or were we just jumping on the bed drunk and naked...because with me that's actually a possibility.
Always keep a stash of tequila in your work desk. That is like adulting 101.
I wanna borrow his axe at this point and cut my head open just to relieve some pressure
this is the second day the intern has gotten me coffee. he either wants to bang me or thinks I'm more important than I am.
either way he's in for disappointment
Just because I'm sleeping with him doesn't mean I'm in love with him, it means that I want to have sex with someone who isn't a serial killer.
Howd last night go?
well he stumbled in my parents door drunk and then asked my mom if she was my grandma. Id say as far as first impressions go, he failed miserably
Randomize
