Someone should tell Glenda that I only hang with her because she makes me look prettier.
we turned studying into a drinking game, she drinks when she gets it right, i drink when she gets it wrong. so we'll be out soon
after he came i started crying. just to fuck with his head.
my bedside table was not meant to hold this many beer bottles.
this is really not the time to pretend we have morals
update: last drink of the night and im naked in my porch hammock. life is good.
Just found a picture of me licking the bouncers ear last night
He tried peeing out of the sunroof.
btw my roommates send a round of applause to you and that guy you tried to fuck on our wall. Additionally they hope he got it in.
I just fucked my ex's ex's ex. Love quadrilateral complete
Seriously why is the deadbolt locked. This is the second time I'm having to sleep on the porch using my boots as my pillow. I can't wait till the next time your drunk.
Shhh, I'm sleeping. Just let it happen Jess.
Using mass transit when I'm hungover makes me feel like I missed my calling as a serial killer
I almost tased myself
I dont think you should own that device.
It's an awesome device. I love this device.
Man. Apparently I blacked out between the 4th margarita and my air mattress. Asleep in my jeans at 10pm. Mom outdrank me again.
So I had Xanax for breakfast & I'm probably going to fuck my tennis instructor.
Randomize
