A hard boiled egg and a shot of tequila is not brunch.
can we take a shower together?
no need for the romantic shit. I'm a sure thing
Cleveland boys shit in their own pumpkins in their own living room. Got pictures to prove it.
Found her in the closet eating mayo out of the jar with a knife
Walked by a shop giving away free donuts this morning. Best walk of shame ever
She told me she needed to clarify that we are not fuck buddies, we are best friends that have sex once in a while
I just stole a cupcake from somebody's bottle service
And I got $4 when somebody made it rain.
he was definitely TRYING to give me herpes.
Nothing gets you judged faster than having cum in your hair at the gas station.
I wish we knew morse code and could knock to each other through the wall
so my pro life roomate found a used condom wrapped up in her sheets with your panties. never letting you have sex in her bed again
I went from naked with lasts nights hookup to Ihop in 6 minutes flat
I think that's a new house record
Did you put pizza in my boxers last night?
I left you 4 hours ago. Have you been walking around with shit in your pants all day?
Awkward sister question: which game of thrones female left would you fuck?
then a garbage truck rolls up to the club, they hop out, and walk right in like they own the place
Randomize
