My place. Tomorrow Night. Bring your liver, and something for it to do.
It took you an unbelievable amount of time to realize that your ass was on fire.
that sweater is a total boner killer. you might as well be wearing a wedding dress.
Just saw a girl trying to crack an egg with her butt cheeks. I think I know what we're doing thursday night.
no, i'm not a lesbian.. i just really want to fuck you while drinking, thats normal in a friendship.
Or I die of a heart attack, which is the more likely/less fun scenario.
Somebodaw call 311 postw fire bunso on vietena floorwnkd
Apperanlty I was screaming "It's hard to swim with a broken ankle sir" and then tackled the lifeguard. The joys of blackouts
Fuck you. how could you leave me passed out hangin out my truck window when you knew it was starting to rain?
thanks for being my moral compass. and thanks for not always pointing north so i can be slutty and not feel bad about it.
His IQ level must rival that of a comatosed aardvark.
I just threw up again because I opened my eyes... God is laughing. I resorted to taking the Mexican Dramamine because I feel seasick from walking. Not helping.
I just coughed and my vagina hurt. We need to hook up more.
Had a slight melanoma scare this morning. Spoiler alert, it was Nutella.
I threw up in a wendys bag in her car. when i went to throw it out the window it exploded all over me. No I don't think there will be a second date.
Randomize
