If it wasnt for my iphone and loopt, I would still be wandering the streets in a drunken stooper. Thanks Steve Jobs.
I'don't know who your are but its that time a day. Drunk it up. Did you buy a House for goundhogs days?
The heaters out again. Makin a fire in thebroke toilet for warmth.
Currently microwaving whipped cream to make white Russians and hotboxing the kitchen while this random kid is dancing in the corner.
She called me in the morning crying, but I was busy cleaning up bird guts, very hungover. It was a very surreal morning.
Night. I'll wake u up at 6 with the unfinnished vodka bottle so be prepared young grasshoper. U have much to learn.
Hey my results were negative. Your chlamydia train stops here. Happy hunting!
I definitely pole-danced a parking meter outside a party last night. The cheering was appreciated.
he wouldnt let me in bed until i took off all the stickers i was covered in
He was eating my ass and came up for air, I almost choked laughing because he had a toilet paper cling on stuck in his mustache
You are the epitome of what awesome would taste like.
is that a dick in a sweater?
i just got drunk and created an entire Dr Seuss unit for my first graders.
He's a waste of a perfectly good penis.
all i'm saying is don't blame me if your purses are filled with whoppers
are we talking malt balls or BK?
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