Tell me why I keep soberly hesitating to go pee in fear of breaking the seal. Thank you college.
he ruins everything I try to do including his roommates
do you think she knows her nickname is brickface?
I dont even care how hung over I am, and how shitty this bus ride will be. That was the best sex of my life and it's a beautiful morning.
I'm just walking around Lowe's groping the carpets....
Wat day did I have sex in my sleep? I just made a Dr appt for Friday and I want to talk to her about it
3 2 1 whiskey
Once again being low on toilet paper is forcing us into another round of our favorite game - toilet paper roulette - where there can only be 1 winner. Maybe.
The only thing left on my Bucket List is getting fingered at an aquarium.
FYI the blow job was for papa johns pizza
I regret 8000% nothing
Also I've accepted I am not going to be a catch today. I look like a dead hooker and the remedial work is going to be patchy at best with the shakes I've got.
I only wore my thong with cheeseburgers on it because I thought we'd have sex. So I basically wasted my best thong for nothing.
I'm determining which apartments I'm mostly to move into based on how suitable the kitchens are for sex .
I've just realized that today's rations have consisted of turkey bacon and jack Daniels.
I had to remind him last night as he had his arm around me, "We hook up, we don't cuddle!"
Randomize
