i also saw a trio of peacocks walking along a sidewalk in hollywood today. i really hope im not tripping.
do you know why "how to shave your balls" is bookmarked on my computer?
I kind of feel like guidos are mythical creatures.
you fucking puked into the top of the beer bong while i was chugging from it. when i realized i was chugging your vomit, i vomitted on the floor. she kicked us both out.
You put your shot glass in your waistband and then told me how convinent it was.
We need you. We already made it on global news and are drunk at the election party.
Ikeep having to ask jim if I'm actually talking. I canmt feel my body...this is what Christmas is all about
I am expending an amazing amount of energy to not throw up right now
The one thing I know about living in Vegas is the closest I'll ever come to being a father is singing the theme song from Full House to a garbage can while I eat an entire birthday cake.
Nothing ends a night of heavy drinking better than banging to three six mafia in your own driveway
He held the kayak still so I wouldn't tip over while projectile vomiting. If that ain't true love, I don't know what is...
My philosophy is thug life and that means never having to say your sorry for stealing drinks off tables
It's one of those "I can't stand you but we're stuck in the same hotel room tonight so let's fuck until one of us passes out" kind of nights.
Well, i'm not hugging a bag of cheetos and crying while I watch Friends wishing that we were Ross and Rachel. So clearly I'might doing better than last night.
He hit me up on Grindr and called me "bro." I just have to assume that the sex is going to be bad.
Randomize
