So my shaver died while I was trimming...ya know. And now it is half way done. I don't think there's currently any aesthetic in keeping it this way...
im insabelyl wasted and diont know if ill yexyed tou. call me
You know that hot fire fighter I fucked yesterday? Well him and two other guys are killing the fire on my stove. Awkward.
Without me, you would never be able to say you partied with a midget!
Hey. Can you be so hung over that you get a rash?
trying to figure out what happened last night by looking around the apartment.
naked man under the piano. THE PLOT THICKENS.
We really gotta change brands again because 2-ply is making us feel like the celebrities we aren't.
Sorry, I was watching the Olympic story about the Canadian guy and drinking out of the prescription bottle and crying because it was so beautiful.
You kept sacrificing me last night. You would just yell out "Virgin Sacrifice!!" and then throw me into a circle of men.
I'm batshit crazy. I don't know how you guys keep forgetting that
It's all fun and games until you rupture a testicle
She proceeded to flip everyone off then open a Heineken with her teeth.
i just saw a man in the grocery, sitting on the floor, eating out of a galon sized tub of macaroni salad. We need to get on his level.
I'm in the liquor store and fucking "Wannabe" by the Spice Girls is playing. IM ALREADY ASHAMED OF MY REASON FOR BEING HERE, GIVE ME A BREAK.
I passed out in your bed last night...there maybe a snickers and twix bar under your pillow
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