Well.. considering he unknowingly dated a prostitute, I consider myself the winner in that break up.
don't think this is any sort of attachment thing but if I'm going to throw up regularly at your house, I'm going to keep a tooth brush there
My boobs grew. They knew we were going to vegas.
Be still, my beating vagina.
Three people drank on "never have I had sex in a tractor." Iowa at its best?
Is it bad that I feel proud to be the first one to puke in the apartment? And I did it in style?
You straight up painted the counter with steak, tequila and beer. You owe me a knew toothbrush.
She's opening her family birthday cards at the bar. So we can pay our tab. Bitches wrote checks :(
So on a scale from 1-10 how gross is it that I used mortuary makeup on my own face?
There is a chick wearing some guy's shirt wrapped around her waist as a skirt... She's flashing her panties to everyone as she sings karaoke. You need to get here.
I drank beer out of some sort of animal horn all night, then we fucked to a "viking metal" album. I feel like I should go pillage something to complete the Norse trifecta.
time to play the game of how much Christmas shopping I can get done before these shrooms kick in
If y'all wanna know how far the apple fell from the tree I'm sexting during Easter service. Mom would be so proud 😳
I woke up with a captain's hat on my desk.
Refresh my memory....were we forced to leave or did we choose to leave?
duddde i wasn't even home last night and someone elses clothes are on my floor and there glow sticks everywhere?!
Randomize
