That girl you went home with last night was dressed in a bright blue sweats at the bar. 205lb Smurffete FTL. Boy were you in epic form.
Is it too much to ask that he stop calling me 'titty fuck' in public?
Going to rent a magician for when I eat shrooms. How has no one thought of this?
Did you sleep with Connor? And who undressed me? There's a picture of two guys peeing out my bedroom window. What happened?
Everything smells like blood and olive oil.
Dude he downed 9 shots of tequila, sang bohemian rhapsody with 3 randoms Wayne's world style, solo'd closing time, chased the hot bartender's dog all the way to main, tackled him, carried him back, hot bar tender hugged AND kissed him, then he does a jumping heel click and leaps into my car through the window. Next rounds free at the yeti. Needless to say your little brother is a tequila god.
Basically.
we could do so many fantastic illegal things together. sexually and otherwise.
If I win the lottery I'm going to hire someone to skywrite "FUCKTARD" over his house. That much anger.
Yeah, this is not that. This is a father and son bonding moment involving my all of my orifices.
They were assless. I wore assless football pants.
Listen, some people have dreams, some people just want to cock slap a kangaroo
All I wanted to do was come home from work and masturbate for national sex day... I sliced my the tip of finger giving myself a pedicure so I can’t even do that #singlelife
Ugh. I need to go to the store, but I'm too lazy. Whatever shall I do? That girls still passed out. I should steal her car
I have 4 more smokes and 6 more beers to go before I make a life changing decision like that.
i came so much i feel like i were to try again, only dust would come out. and maybe glitter
Randomize
