Motorboating on a tuesday night. not too shabby....
come downstairs quick. our boyfriends are having a dance off in nothing but their underwear and shoes. and they have semis too.
he looks like a really good dad on facebook
So you have no knowledge as to why I am hearing loud repetitive mooing from next door?
you were just eating all his cookies and kept mumbling "them crumblies" when the crumbs got on your shirt.
Come over so we can have two person sex in this one person tent
Next time someone asks you what your spirit animal is do you really want to answer the iowa state fair butter cow?
Awkward sister question: which game of thrones female left would you fuck?
Yeah I'm at the doctors getting a shotand don't know how to tell them I'm still probably drunk from last night
It's getting to the point where my ability to get dick pix during the work day is impressing even me. Take that, adulthood!
That's not "anything", that's you deep throating a mozzarella stick.
I'm owning this being a social human being thing tonight!
Just laying in bed, snuggling my cat, and pondering whether I'd like to attend a swingers party this evening...
I really need to get a comfy set of masturbating shoes
Remember when I was real fucked up and said I would give up utensils and only use chopsticks for lent?...just got the reminder on my phone.
Randomize
