My room smells like vodka and shame
I just peed in my kitchenbs sinlk. New low- maybe. am i embarrassed? Not in the least
Cute you're picking friends over dick. I feel like this is the trailer for a lifetime movie.
It was one time. Now I have to constantly remind her my name is Jessica not Jizzica.
Sarah Palin is going to have a show on the discovery channel...Can I get a moment of silence for knowledge?
I know I know. I considered playing it sober but after I typed out IS SHE A GENIE? I knew it was impossible to hide.
3 months til "no sober october" start prepping now. i cant have you bitch out on me halfway through like last year.
The kid in the park, who was on a leash I might add, looked at us and yelled "stranger danger" before hiding behind his dad
I'm not gonna lie; I was dosed with mushrooms and am eating pickles with a guy in all white. It's weird, but I'm down. Help.
I knew when her mom came in spraying me with Febreeze telling me I smelled like shame it was going to be a rough day.
my binge eating and her being stoned all the time has reduced us to a bowl of chinese candies, frozen bacon and a stick of butter, we do however have enough alcohol to start our own liquor store.
Worse: texted mom-in-law by mistake that I sharted.
Worser: she offered to clean me up
It's all fun and games until you have to pay the bar tab.
dude it's 9am and i'm still drunk it's too early for sexting
You're not who I thought you were. You've changed.
handcuff keys just fell out of my bra....wtf happened last night?
Randomize
