i hate sounding clingy, but i just wanted to verify i wasn't an asshole in your mind
You asked him to stand still, you put your leg on his shoulder, started dry humping the air
This could be one of the worst things i've done... The background of her phone is her and her boyfriend.
I usually would've stopped there but I kinda remember opening the bottle of vodka, and we ALL know that's when things go downhill.
And it just wouldn't be a Thursday night without me having to cuss out a foreigner. The streak continues.
i keep looking at my boobs and it just baffles me how he could give this up.
My dad just decided to play wingman for me... I dont want to let the family down... but both these girls are hideous
Bro, there is a rent-a-cop selling syringes out of the trunk of his car. This is why I hate the DMV.
nothing like going to the bathroom, running into the wall, thinking its a person and saying"its ok i just had the 4 beers" even the wall knew i was lying
I won the booty shaking contest by mooning the whole bar
plus there's no nice way to tell a guy you physically hate the shape of their cock.
You know it's time to do the dishes when you take shots of water out of a sake glass...
And you wonder why you're always one of the guys?
If you're funny as hell and have a mustache, odds are I'm probably gonna fuck you
Drunk you decided to patrol campus as the Arrow and tell random bystanders "YOU HAVE FAILED THIS CAMPUS." Campus P.D. did not join your crusade.
That explains the nerd bow & arrow...
It's almost like he's actually taking my commentary and criticism to heart, but simultaneously succumbing to some primal urge to wear less clothing each time.
Randomize
