508, what difference does it make? You were alone, anyway.
I am engaged
To a real live girl that has met me
every time I hook up with him I think about the fact that penicillin was a mistake too... and look how well that turned out. It makes me feel just a little bit better.
People with herpes should wear stickers.
I wish my new phone didn't autocorrect so well. People will never experience the magic of my drunk texts because they think I'm making a coherent statement.
He just kept telling me how to do certain things. It was like I was fucking my sex ed teacher
just drew up plans to mow my front lawn into the American flag for world cup. that high and patriotic.
I just got a new temperpedic mattress pad and started smoking weed again in the same week. finding motivation to go to a 9:AM class is close to impossible.
at this point every shot is just a haymaker to my liver
the taxi driver actually pulled over to let us moon a house full of people
Tonight just try not to threaten to pee on the hot guys buying us drinks....please..
Most senic walk of shame ever. This is why you go to school in Hawaii.
Meanwhile I'm googling glory holes in Vegas
Moral of the story: next time my plans include you and bourbon, I'm packing a toothbrush.
On a scale of 1 to 10 how good of an idea would it be to pregame at the airport right now
Ten
Randomize
