If it makes you feel any better I'm plucking my mustahce and drinking. Alone.
next time dont tell jokes :) miss bonerkill
One night stand!! Now I'm pissing excellence
That burning is chlamydia
So stoned I forgot I was masturbating and went to go get a cookie.
we just pregamed for our presentation... gotta love group bonding
Sometimes I wonder why I hang out with you. And then you show up half naked at my door with a half gal of vodka, and I remember why.
The last thing I remember is your grandma calling me a pussy and taking my shot for me. Your family is awesome.
You better fuck one or both of those bitches and bring me pictures that will make me uncomfortable
I can do at least one of those things.
I just looked into the eyes of the man whose car I peed on last night
Yknow what, if there is a thug life for white bitches, I'm living it. I went out on a date, watched howls moving castle with my brother till he passed out, then went and got some a+ dick, and made it home in time to take my mom to work. Now its 7am, I'm in bed with some free tacos, and when I'm done eating I'm going to sleep. What a great night.
No! Last time I got hit with a beer bottle
Haha, Tuesday man
The assignment was about the Industrial Revolution so I just screamed at them in a British accent all day. No, they didn't know I was hungover.
He responded to all of my texts prodding for dirty talk with "I will do anything you are comfortable with."\n\nChivalry is great, but being comfortable doesn't get me wet.
I cannot believe I accepted his penis into my body.
You don't have to buy me dinner, watch tv or even hang out if you don't want. Just fuck.
Randomize
