His mom made me a necklace that i am supposed to wear to prom. She included a note with it, which had a star trek quote. What have I gotten myself into?
Youll never guess who has to go to fucking planned parenthood because trojan cant make a fucking condom
ok this is the part where i go up stairs and pass out incoherently untill 6 30 tommaorw morning and not rember any of this. love youuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuu!
Just threw up in a trash can by the ATM. Then pulled out money for weed.
This guy legit just tried to LSAT formal logic his way into my pants. Contrapositives and everything.
i need to know the scientific term for a guy's taint so i can explain what i did last night.
I've been ignoring his texts cause last night I put him in my phone as 'ignore for atleast a day' and I trust my drunk self.
He was dressed in a pink dressing gown feeding people ketamine from a plastic sword he called Excalibur. how was your Monday?
making a list of all the places we've peed. separate list of places we peed when we were stoned
It's like god made him fantastic at oral to make up for what his mouth does the rest of the time.
Some guy just rode an office chair down my street, I hope he comes back so I can give him my number.
how did operation slutty penguin go?
pretty epic. there was a guy who was also dressed as a penguin. i asked him if he would keep my eggs warm while i went fishing for the winter
I'm adopting to save the world from the moral outrage that would be my offspring
I'm just trying to find the strength to put my bra back on and come inside
Yeah. That's the shitty part. God, I don't want to be a step mom. Sure I'm great with kids, but I just want unlimited sex and not have to worry about making friends with a fucking 7 year old.
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