I just had to pull over at a starbucks to throw up in the bathroom. They really should not have let me be a lawyer.
she just stood in the kitchen yelling "REAL WOMEN HAVE CURVES"
zippers are such a cool invention
This guy legit just tried to LSAT formal logic his way into my pants. Contrapositives and everything.
dude just did a line with screech. dude is fucking creepy
Bitches at mcdonalds acting like they never seen a girl puke in her own coat pocket before
Favorite thing said to me in 2012: It's like you have two tongues!
Were you keeping a list?
I've never been more scared for my virginity in my life. And I lost my virginity almost 6 years ago.
What did he say?
NOTHING. GODDAMN HIM AND HIS MAGICAL PENIS!
THANKS BE TO BLACK BABY JESUS IN HIS LITTLE GOLDEN DIAPER FOR BLESSING ME WITH NOT PREGNANT
walk of shamed to graduation. ending college with a bang....
SHE POOPED THE CONDOM WHOLE
it's like my ID runs away from me when it knows it's time for me to drink
So I wake up to my ex girlfriends underwear hanging from the ceiling fan and the only thing i can think of is "what time is the game"
Sorry I totally pulled a home invasion on you last night
That was super inconsiderate of me
Randomize
