I woke up (not at home) to find out I kissed Ryan Caberra, flashed for free gumbys and carried around an inflatable moose named Johnson. Great success.
im in a room full of women tattooing each others tits. i hope i remember this tomorrow
turns out gay frats are just like normal frats, only with more v-necks
sounds like you fell off the wagon.
fuck falling off. at this point, the wagon is a dot on the horizon.
only my mom would pack illegal paraphernalia in a care package..
so I'm in athletic shorts, a suit jacket and I'm still drunk at 6:30am at the last leg of relay for life
i just opened the overnight bag i packed at 2am last night. Apparently all i thought id need was a handful of quarters, mascara and one sock
Dude they are all farmers and I'm pretty sure there's a prostitute here.
open bar reception. dayglow. pray for me
you know you're a senior when your friends are at the bar before you even get out of class
why the fuck would you go to class? it's karaoke wednesday.
I filled two of the glass ornaments in my mom's bathroom last night with vodka. That way no one sees me drinking on Christmas. Alcoholic or genius? All I know it makes bathroom trips frequent and enjoyable.
Well good for him for getting your number before he told you he had no money and needed you to pay for his drink!
I just saw a commercial for God of War and heard the nickname he gave my vagina.
My buddy just got straight up kicked out of the bar on my bday for water boarding people with beer and bar towels
It's like I'm getting a welcome home parade with sex!
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