people would bow to what i just did to her vagina
You can tell alot about a person by their poo.. For example, he was a smoker.
Canada is now making docos about life in America. Its called Trailer Park Boys.
while cleaning my room, i've found many wonderful things. one of these is the card you gave me for my eighteenth birthday. it's a christmas card that says "i want to stick it in your sponger"
When the cops knocked on the door, he just knocked back and announced "house keeping"
I wish they could condense everything I needed, nutritionally speaking, into mike and ikes
I just gave a bum a ride back to his bench. Columbus is weird but I like it.
We were so hungover we fell asleep in Goodyear waiting for them to fix her car. At 4 in the afternoon on a Sunday. The workers apparently didnt want to vacuum because they didn't want to wake us.
My bar tender texts me around 5ish and ask what I feel like, so it's ready for me when I get home. All star service.
Dude. You are the LAST person that should live above a bar.
He came over apologized for his lack of sexual skills. Cleaned my kitchen cooked me dinner. And gave me another one minute stand. I think im okay with this
Margaritas just taste better when they're bigger than your head
Was the picture of her twerking on a fake plant sufficient?
It's my birthday weekend! I'm getting a Brazilian and he's going to fucking Arkansas. Where the fuck are his priorities?
I could have been on my second lucrative divorce by now, but nooooo, I had to be a strong independent woman.
You told everybody that you were a dragon and then projectile vomited all over the kitchen.
Randomize
