you got kicked out last night because right after you said "whats up?" to us, you downed your whole vodka ton and threw it across the bar.
I got oddly confused when she started talking in third person in bed.
Not only did I see you last night, you had me help you meet women by convincing them you were deaf and only I understood your sign language
My body has become completely dependent on Text Twist. I can't poop without it.
I will never get the visual of you crying while chewing christmas lights out of my head
There is a different car in my driveway. Have no clue how I got home.
Just so you know I would totally fuck you. Does that count as a feeling?
A guy just walked down the street dressed as Mickey Mouse holding a 40oz. Where the hell did you leave me?
It's official, no more fat chicks or even close to that, my balls are 2 dimentional
happy find a boyfriend by next Valentines Day. Its like a new years resolution but depressing
He says he won't get serious until he screws an Asian and a virgin. I should just place an ad on Craig's List
Wanted: female 18-24 of Asian or partial Asian descent to fuck my ginger boyfriend. Must be willing and able to fake virginity. No emotional connection needed, just sex, just once. Further contact post sex not needed (or particularly desired)
I would do everything over again, except the fireball.
My dad accidentally texted me asking if I had weed...
Maybe you should say yes, and you guys can like bond or something...
We already gave up cheese, how are we supposed to give up coke?
Pretty sure my aunt hooked up with one of my brothers frat brothers at his graduation party
Randomize
