New drinking game: drink every time the guy whose room we are in is creepy
enjoy the hospital
i just saw my boxers from 2 days ago stuck in a tree 4 miles from my house
can you please tell me why I'm bleeding so heavily from my ass and all my makeup is gone?
drunk pissing on my closed toilet lid is actually quite a sobering experience
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I want to let you in on my two latest life goals. Have a photograph of me squirting whipped cream into a midget's mouth, and have sex on a roof.
Attn: you have now used your free, one time admission to pleasure town. Thank you for visiting I hope you enjoyed your trip. All future trips to P.T. Will cost you full admission price. We have different pricing plans to accommodate different situations, and remember it is more of a bartering system than a set price. Your patronage is always welcomed and once again thank you for visiting and have a fantastic evening.
she's sniffed three people's necks on the bus to see who the good smell was coming from...
she's gonna get diseases
Like fighting the continuous urge to sing Neil diamond "coming to America" kinda fucked up right now
I'm pricing out a roll of that wax butcher paper. We fuck too messy and I can't afford to wash them every afternoon.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My new successful method of booty calling is sending a screencap of a map with the shortest route from their location to mine highlighted.
You were drunk enough to sled down a highway off ramp in your pajamas….
I saw your dick pic and thought there goes the last thread of my heterosexuality.
The sex was so good I feel like I could run a triathlon, hit big at the casino, and defeat ISIS.
I hate being on my period . Did you know that by the time I'm 30 I would've wasted 1,176 days of my life I could've had sex but couldn't bc I was on my period.
I really need to stop turning to the BDSM dungeon masters of tinder whenever my heart hurts
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