i pretty much saved your life. you were so conviced that your nail polish remover bottle was "Vodka Lemon"
Excused from finishing the term project because my lab partner got arrested. For the second year in a row. Public school, I love you.
just saw someone climb out of the dumpster at cvs and start walking down the street like it was completely normal
I knew I was rolling hard when I realized I had been rubbing the couch for an hour
corona bottle fell out of my backpack and broke in the middle of my physics midterm. yay me.
You get to be the grown up. Leave a ciabatta by his face.
Shes 18 and still has a curfew. it was great. didnt have to worry about her still being here in the morning.
Kid got laid mid-party wearin a fuzzy hat with ears and 40's taped to his bear paws... wtf
When I said tequila slammers would be the death of me, I didn't intend it to be today. Oh god.
Every time I start to think he's just not worth the trouble, he puts his face down there and I wanna buy him a car
She has a bong hits for Jesus shirt. Of course I'm going to like her.
I told him no rough stuff and he immediately bit my ass. Who the fuck does that?
I think I just saw my socks in the parking lot.. gonna keep walking
I really love you. Like, more than tequila...& we both know that's my favorite.
He's asking how tall I am he wants to make a body suit out of me
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