Well, its 5:30am and you haven't let me in, I guess ill go home
My little sister just found a condom in her bag i borrowed... Happy fourteenth birthday.
he spit gasoline on a tiki torch to impress a girl. he caught on fire but did get laid. success.
I don't want to talk about it. He was like the Little Engine that couldn't get me off.
From behind she looks like Richard Simmons
He's the biggest piece of shit to ever exist. He's not even wearing shoes.
you know u lost to a carboard cut out of sammy sosa in beer pong last night.
she's a dental assistant. she can get nitrous. kinda looks like a sloppy bucket of fuck. time to take one for the team. NEED SHOTS STAT!!
rigging a system to keep my jello shots cold in class. important election day work.
At some point during thanksgiving the image of me pooping on ur moms chest will come to you. Your welcome!
he kept opening the car door while we were ON THE HIGHWAY and insisting he could walk. next time i drive my boss home at 3am i'm putting the child lock on
There's always a silver lining when massive voluptuous tits are involved
She made me undress her with my teeth...explains the button in my shit this morning...
I don't think I can get drunk, high or horny enough to even consider that
I TAUGHT HER CAT TO SIT. CATS DON'T FUCKING SIT ON COMMAND. BUT THIS ONE DID!
It's basically my crowning achievement.
Randomize
