I just counted my steps so I know when you start looking for you on my way back from the bathroom
You know how us drunks love counting steps
you convinced me to pee myself because I was wearing dark jeans.
You picked me up and threw me on a barstool and shoved shots in front of me.
Thats like the definition of a good friend
yeah, I said "hi, I'm the creepy old guy at the college bar" and she said that she like mature men, wasn't expecting that line to work
Are you available to help carry me into the house Monday?
Im pretty sure you told the waiter at Dennys last night to take your pants off or show a nipple.
I got woken up by a construction worker, turns out I was laying in a hallway, naked and wrapped in a matress pad. To answer your question no, I did not study for this test I got David Hasselhoff drunk
Making a me burrito to ward off the cold...and the aloneness of my vagina
Just drug him and when he wakes up say "You just woke up from a coma, we've been married for 5 years." It'll be like The Vow but fucked up.
Dude he took a shit in the lake and it just floated around and lingered near our boat for 2 hours. I fucking hate that kid
Named all the presidents in order between puke sessions while semi conscious so that's a thing I can do now
I drank so much that my feet don't feel like my feet
Just had a threesome with a married couple.
Stop living my dream.
The only thing he told me before he passed out was that he is from Buffalo and I'm a bitch.
just took a pregnancy test before I went out drinking. if that's not drinking responsibly Idk what is.
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