you shoved the noah's ark of animal crakers in your mouth saturday.
Well ya in hindsight obviously offering the cop a jello shot was a bad idea
oh my god i just remembered the cat blow jobs.
It's cute how he thinks we're going to have sex again
We should make a goal to do one active thing a day, even if its like throwing a ball
And by ball i mean playing catch. Beer pong does not count as an activity
I just sniffled when I woke up and got a bump of coke. I have never felt so good hung over.
Well, I'm getting my ex-boyfriend to get me a z pack to cure the chlamydia I got from my married fuck buddy so that I can fuck one of my students.
STOP TELLING PEOPLE I PEED ON YOU
Lets have the type of night where its 5am and one of us has definitely punched someone who has been on a Disney Channel show.
the fact that i came three times was completely negated by the fact that he high-fived himself after.
You having your own car has severely reduced the amount of blowjobs I get.
That went from 0 to lesbian orgy much faster than expected...
- I'm finally learning to be functional when I'm high. I feel like this is a milestone.
I don’t know what he is but he sure can suck a lollipop.
There were no words. I got in his car, took my pants off, threw my shirt out the window, and got things started. After we were done I collected my clothes, gave him a kiss, and crept back into my house.
You're like the sex ninja. How doesn't he love you?!
Randomize
