why am i having a flashback about somewhere we were this weekend with music videos playing? Spike jonze brothers place?? Help me out
Oh My! A car just drove by me a splashed me with a wave of water. I am drenched and soaking wet!
I am sorry--all I heard is that you are wet.
Fuck, operation next sex victim is on as soon as i get back. Do not sleep with that red head, nobody likes accidental ginger babies.
i forgot how awkward it is to meet new people sober
Seriously.......what do you have to do to get arrested in Vegas???
i just remember pinky promising you guys to take care of him.
I don't think I'd trust a marching band with trampolines to not cause serious damage to themselves/ property.
$645 later, she's throwing up in my washroom and asking for a cab. Hooker are soooo much cheaper.
Posting happy birthday to my grandpa on Facebook.... Then realizing my profile pic is me dressed as a slutty cop when he used to be a police officer.
Yeah I remember doing the worm in my moms room. While she's yelling at me and I'm making seagull nooises
Things I Learned Tonight: I have no future in goat wrangling. Herding. Whatever you call the ridiculosity that just transpired.
I swear the toilet was so cold I tried to stand up but my balls wer frozen to it. most awkward five minutes between me and my mom.
I biked home blackout drunk last night, but I have some memory of throwing my bike in a rage when I couldnt get it down the stairs. No idea on the bright orange puke in the sink.
It's the kind of dick you travel across the country for
He was more upset that I got into his phone than about getting caught cheating.
Randomize
