she offered me iced tea and went to go change.then her dad came in the door.i thought i was on how to catch a predator.
Do you think this abandoned cigarette has herpes? cuz I'm tempted.
For your information i will be shotgunning whiskey on may 21st.
What do I wear to meet his family/put his dog to sleep? Is there even an appropriate outfit for this occasion?
Dude are you alive? We drank shit that made a german bartender blow chunks.
Parents said they were cutting off my AmEx card. So I immediately went up to the liquor store and purchased $550 of booze before it was canceled. I'm expecting your arrival in 30 minutes.
Fuck I keep finding new battle scars from our fight. Justin told me I stabbed you with a broom handle.. Do you remember ripping my pants off?
I just want a man to crawl into my bed with me and never crawl out. Anti socialism at his best.
I'm just going to ride dicks all the way to the to the gates of hell
BABE I MISS YOU SO MUCH LIKE THE SADNESS OVERWHELMS BONER ABILITY
Can we just agree for a moment that semen in your sinuses is the fucking worst?
Like pizza and mermaids make up about 1/3 of my thoughts on the weekends.
I'm shaking a cocktail while in bed. Is that bad?
I hope every time you eat hashbrowns you think about me, the awesome sex we had and how great we could have been.
I woke up thinking it was Friday. I was disappointed (to say the least). I am pretty sure I have gained the quarantine fifteen (but I won’t know until I try to put something other than elastic-waisted shorts on). And I am probably going to need dentures because I am grinding my teeth so much. But hey--this is temporary, right?
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