If I had a penis I would totaly hang shit off it. Like stretched out peach rings and fruit rollups.
IM NOT LETTING YOU PEE ON ME IF THATS WHAT YOURE GETTING AT.
They pulled him over whille he had a fish tank full of beer in his front seat. He told them it coudn't count as an open container cause the top was on it.
Watching the gap toothed girl get more ass than me is almost devastating.
Frozen pudding on a popsicle stick. Bill Cosby would be so proud of drunk me.
I like to take my ritalin one pill at a time with each pill spaced out a couple minutes so I feel like I'm going super saiyan when they kick in.
I didn't have toilet paper until 20 minutes ago. But I have champagne. Priorities.
New Mean Girls drinking game: Everytime someone says Africa or Math, chug.
Like real life can suck my metaphorical dick right now.
I'm about to be a GTA V widow, he could at least throw me a bone. Literally.
Also the girl beside me smells like she's been in a deep fryer.
I am stoned, not wearing a bra, and a woman. There is no way in fuck I am getting on a fucking bus.
He has a beach house and a Simba tattoo. Our wedding is next Tuesday, hope you're free.
Your skill with memes is vaguely frightening
I got there and she was on her balcony drinking out of a bottle of vodka and smoking a cigar.
Randomize
