i kept saying "bloody hell" in a ron weasley accent until i forcibly told myself to shut up
having to delete all your hookups stored in your phone as first name followed by frat/bar after they've graduated is such a bittersweet feeling
Just woke up and my doorbell is on my nightstand... the fuck?
All the alcohol I spilled on myself must have acted as a disinfectant or something. I haven't showered in three days and I still don't have a staph infection from sleeping on the lawn with you.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You told me to pour the Gatorade on you "like Flashdance"
I'm unshowered, and since I've seen this episode of say yes to the dress, I've decided to go to the store and get a frozen pizza at 10:20 am. I'm crushing life.
Hi, this is a test of the morning after apology broadcast system. If you're receiving this pre-recorded message there is a high probability I was a dickwad to you in the past 24 hours. You have my utmost and sincere apologies. Also if you have my wallet, house key, left converse, or lighter, give them/it back
My mom now keeps ice cubes on hand for my bong water. We may be able to work this relationship out.
it's a simple rule - pass out shirtless on the couch, become an airsoft target.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
When I picked you up, you were drinking Maker's Mark out of the bottle with a crazy straw.
We are trying to penis chicken awkward them out. But I think it's a gay wedding. Backfiring. Heavily.
Being in the club with your moms drunk friends > having a healthy relationship with your mom
You have more time for sex than anyone I know.
Ok, now help me add to my topless picture collection, i'm going to make myself a calendar
Pretty sure we ruined a bachelorettes life last night
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