If one more person calls me a lesbian I am going to have to give you head in public.
rainy day on campus = new personal fetish for girls in booty shorts and colorful rain boots
i've already watched her fall off the steps, walk up on our porch and try to dance with the dog, and stumble across the street to stand outside the neighbors window...is it taking it too far to watch this rando girl and some guy have sex behind our parking lot now?
Hey I have your shoes. Do you remember shouting "Police brutality!" when the bouncer was kicking you out last night?
Finally washing the shoe scuff marks off my front windshield :( bye bye memories
On the verge of sleeping with a man who can take me to an early bird dinner and a movie with his AARP discount. YOLO
So last night I kicked a beer can off of a frat guys head and it nailed one of my sisters in the face. Think i'll be brought up on standards?
Guy hitting on me at bar is guy who's Craigslist ad we laughed at the other night. Not even kidding.
I'm toasting stale bread and thinking of you
Is that a sex thing?
I am in the bathroom at work, pooing while eating pretzels. Hungover Fridays are in full effect
I just ran your car into a ups truck....but on a up note I have a handle of fireball and breakfast burritos
The woman in the flower onesie is claiming she hasn't been drinking.
I apologize for using the phrase "monster cock hentai porn shit" to describe that guy I picked up last week.
I like your optimism Chelsea but I'm not about getting my salad tossed
I have two bottles of emergency tequila stashed under my desk at work.
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