Sandra Bullock looks like the most recent Michael Jackson
Turned in a paper today on drug abuse. Chose to write about percocet. Just realized I started 2 sentences with "This amazing drug"
frozen peaches as icecubes. vodka Sundays just got wayyyy better
Listen, this was just a tiny lapse of judgement.
I'm pretty sure that's not a synonym for pregnancy.
Apparently I had an idea for a cooking show and then proceeded to throw cookies at people.
you went all the way to UK and still managed to hook up with someone from our highschool...
Only thing I got out of his drunken Spanish is something that sounded like "pencil sharpener." Damn rosetta stone.
I feel like my map app knows I'm hungover and is strategically not driving me by fast food places so I cannot stop
My flask has coffee in it for finals week.. So that's responsible right?
There may or may not be an ass shaped dent in the hood of my car. All I know is windshield wipers aren't as sturdy as you think to hold onto.
I was so close to going to get my nipples pierced with my mom today
Yeah well I just had an orgasm on my bathroom floor so there's a first for everything I guess
How do I explain to work that I woke up in my underwear on a trampoline and that I'm not coming in?
Way to fucking accidentally drunk dial me while you're talking to and buying other girls drinks. Don't call me.
we should get together and get drunk.
On a Monday?
don't discriminate against mondays.
Randomize
