I'm playing the sound guy on a porno set
"must pass the hog line" should not only be used in curling. but also when we go out to pick up girls.
Woke up and went out for a cigarette and it was dead quiet. It was like the world just knew how many mistakes were made last night.
He took a banana and in front of everyone showed her how he wanted it done.
Do you think the party boat will still go out if there is a hurricane?
Single person behavior: I wanted a cookie but was too lazy to make or go buy any, so I let cookie dough ice cream melt and ate all the chunks. Pantsless.
he's paying for my abortion by participating in an alcohol study. dont try to tell me we wouldn't be classy parents
Can an epipen be used as a tranquilizer ?
I'd rather just be alone, than deal with this bullshit. I just want to be alone. Cats and vibrators never let you down.
I had a dream he was standing in front of me naked and flexing while yelling VICTORY and gizzing all over the floor.
Are you drunk texting me again or are you just being your regular stupid self?
yes
my morning attempts to try to have sex with him was interrupted by the passion of the christ parade going on outside my house
I can't decide if I miss drinking or you, they are so closely connected.
It's okay to admit that you're into redheads.
Had a dream last night where I asked you how your Christmas was and your response was, “sex, man. Just lots and lots of sex.”
Good god. A spell so dry your friends actually commit it to their subconscious!
Randomize
