Reasons why i shouldn't be drunk and upset: i'm going to a boy's
So ignoring my calls doesnt work if you update your facebook a minute later.
By getting ready I mean putting baby powder in my hair and possibly changing my pajamas to another pair of pajamas
finally stumbled home. 4am. made it to the bathroom and threw up. the cat came in,s aw me, looked at the vom in disgust, and then threw up too. its nice to have such sympathetic pets.
After what u did to that bathroom I think the $30 and the "sorry I'm a jackass" note was the thing to do.
At least in the future when we're all real people we can laugh about the time we all had scabies together?
She's trying to figure out what kind of dinosaur I am... Yay codeine.
he's paying for my abortion by participating in an alcohol study. dont try to tell me we wouldn't be classy parents
I vaguely remember having a 'grass is greener' conversation about our nipples. Dream or beautiful reality?
Beautiful, beautiful reality
Really? A fat girl?
I'm walking her back. Chill out.
She is a nice girl okay. For some reason we are in my room though.
When cunnilingus is one of the first 25 words you say to someone there's a problem
#reasonsyoushouldnthaveatinder
There's no way you didn't at least start out with a dick. I obviously know there isn't one now, but there is no way that you were born a girl
His crazy is a thing to be cherished
"Why is there a bottle of Tequila taped to the fan?"
I see more hoeing in ur future
Randomize
