Not even drunk me wanted to have sex with him. I kept intentionally hitting my head on the table behind me during sex till he said i was too drunk for sex.
he kept asking me if i had been in a pool or a lake recently, i didnt want to say i know where the swimmers ear came from. shower sex.
Do you know many girls there are in gay bars waiting for me to do coke off their tits? A lot.
My econ prof just gave me a shot glass because I was the "randomly picked" winner of the lecture. Ties into our supply and demand lecture, supplied with a shot glass, demand a thirsty thursday
He shaved off his eyebrows. This is not my life.
On a scale of one to everyone dying I say let's aim for a 7
I hope you realize, I'm counting on you as my wingman next semester. It's your turn to advertise another man's penis. I did my tour all freshman year.
I sang again at the bar lastnight I don't think alanis morrset knew when she wrote you outta know that the drunk version was going to be go fuck yourself Josh and Chelsea. I love $2 wells.
You carried me up the stairs after I told you not to. And what did you tell me? "Let me test my strengths."
Obama's speech on in 9 mins. Me in the shower now. Naked. Make your choice.
I'm bringing the tv in with me.
When asked if they had been introduced, Damo said "No but I know we've pretty much fucked all the same girls in town"
Mcnellies. I'm drunk enough that you have a window. Capitalize.
you take my contact solution?
drank it last night then filled it with brandy for the plane ride.
My dad just said "fuck circus"
This is either the best idea i've ever had or the worst. stay tuned.
Randomize
