Saw shirtless man with angel wing tramp stamp seen biking in my neighborhood. Considering moving.
No gym. Sooooo hung over. Just puked up the water I drank and it still has ice cubes in it.
please dont make me drink to the titanic soundtrack
That's two mile stones in one shot. A ginger and that's my third ashley.
Man, only now that I'm single is it painfully obvious that I have zero booty calls in waiting. This could be a cold winter
I just peed behind the dumpster and dedicated it to you. Can i call u?
So I fucked her. If you're keeping score at home, it's all tied up with horrible sex with someone I like and great sex with someone I hate both with 1.
And tell the hostess not to worry, she's narcoleptic and fell asleep on the way to the bar, but she'll be fine in a few minutes.
N I'm drinking this invention I call "do-it-fluid" I had a bottle of vodka that was 3/4th empty, so I put in 1/4th rum, 1/4th tequila, 1/4th whisky... it's definitely the worst idea ever..
Is the Chairman of the College Republicans throwing upon your toilet right now? 'Murica!
I guess that means I was blowing a nerd last week.
And loving it.
there may have been a blood oath never to speak of it again...only reason i can think of as to why there was a 1 inch bloody cut on my right boob
drinks after work?
that question mark offends me.
I still can't believe that dog licked my nipple.
That was the first time ive ever slept with a girl with a q in her name
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